I would love to be profound for a moment…but I just don’t have it in me today. Let me just share a few thoughts….
“Happily Ever After” doesn’t just happen. You make it happen. And, everyday you wake up and choose to stay in love, you choose to work out issues, you choose to forgive and forget, and you choose to stay with the person you committed to “Once Upon a Time.”
Remember that? How your story together began? And, in the true nature of princesses and fairy tales, your goal was/is:
Right? And everything between the ellipses was just witches and goblins and icky bad guys that you would conquer together, right?
Nope.
Sorry.
It’s not really that simple (and yet, in some ways, it is rather simple after all).
After a decade and a half in the same relationship, I have learned a few things that I would like to share with you now in a spirit of love and light and wanting to preserve and support relationships.
First of all, there are lots of moments and even days when I feel like this:
And sometimes I am so irritated, stressed out, exhausted, and who-knows-what-else that hearing a sweet love song like makes me want to spit.
Truly.
And I’m not good at spitting.
But, guess what?!?!?!?!?!
I stick around this relationship. Not because I want to feel crummy…but because I know that we are building something together. We are building a life, a family, our faith, and a future. You see, I don’t believe that relationships end at death. I believe that we will be able to carry on our family and marriage relationships in the life after this if we will keep working through our issues and pulling together.
I know that media and maybe even the experiences of others might say that the grass could be greener in some other relationship. But, I made a commitment to this guy several years ago. More than that, I made a commitment (and covenant) with God years ago that I would stick with this guy. So, I’m not leaving. Even though hard things may come our way, I can do hard things. And I can do them even better when I have the help of heaven and this really cute guy I married.
So what if we are getting old? We are getting old together. So what if our hair is turning grey (me) or disappearing (him)? We make adjustments. So what if some mornings we irritate each other so much that we are happy to say goodbye? We usually make up during the day and are so anxious to be back in each other’s arms at the conclusion of the day.
Here’s my bottom line. Marriage is hard. It takes work. But it is sooooooo worth it.
On a more personal note, I used to hear lots of people say with regard to marriage that they loved their wife or husband more today than they did when they were married. For the first several years of our marriage, I didn’t understand those statements. I vacillated back and forth between super-in-love-happy to I-can’t-stand-you-right-now-and-I-need-to-go-run-before-I-say-something-else-hurtful-I-will-regret-later. I didn’t know if I would ever get past that point. But, eventually I did. And now I recognize that the need-to-go-running moments are less frequent and the in-love moments are more frequent (maybe that’s what those old married couples meant?)…and I’ve learned to weather and wait out the crazy times knowing that the bliss will return again at some point.
And I’m willing to wait for it and to work for it…’cause marriage is worth it.
And bliss is really sweet.
And I want to be with this guy for a lot longer than the rest of my life.
middle of my story 
This is beautiful, and SO true!
Thanks so much! Sending hugs! 🙂
Very wise words, Karin. What a wonderful woman, wife, and mother you have become. I still love my sweet Beehive, though. Linda Crosby
Linda, thank you ever so much! I learned many good things from an amazing Primary President, YW President, and Seminary Teacher!!! 🙂 You are wonderful! Sending love and hugs!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate them. I think its also important for everyone to remember that when going through hard times in a relationship the grass may seem greener on the other side but really EVERYONE goes through hard times and trials. That green grass on the other side is usually just an illusion.
Agreed! I wish that more couples would speak openly about choosing to stay together instead of sometimes painting the picture (which is overly supported by media) that marriage and relationships are easy and flawless. They are not. They take work–sometimes really hard work–and those who are successful at relationships are successful because they understand and put in the time to make them so.
Makes complete sense and I couldn’t agree more. But what if you’re not married? My “once upon a time” was only 6 months ago. Things between us were great, everything I wanted. It was amazing and we quickly moved in together (after 2 months). However, after a run in with my ex, my bf completely shut down on me. We even broke up a couple of times but quickly got back together. Now I feel like I am the only one in the relationship. He says he wants to be with me but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s for convenience, comfort. I miss the feeling of being wanted, desired. I was married previously, for 20 years. I know that life gets in the way and that the initial butterflies you get in your belly are eventually replaced with ageda. But only after 6 months?! Maybe cause we moved too fast in the beginning? I feel like I’m in a loveless relationship despite the fact that he says he loves me and wants me. Am I over reading?
Thanks, Iynzy, for sharing part of your story. I am not a relationship expert; I wrote this post more for those who believe in the media myths that a good relationship is always endearing, exciting, and wonderful. I was just trying to say that, once you commit to someone, your commitment means something, and you should stand by that–come rain or shine. Worlds can be said for open, honest communication and for being patient with someone through difficult moments. All the best to you!