One Truth About Marriage

Image Copyright Sarah Knight Photography

I have been acutely aware of the feeling of forgiveness lately.  I have noticed it before upon an altercation with my husband, who–for all intents and purposes–I love with all my heart.  Still, as two people living together with various stresses, varied interests, and myriad responsibilities, we can become short with one another, argue, and hurt one another at times.  Those occurences are part of marriage.  The longer I live, the more I am sure that “chick flicks” are exactly that–films for women [who need to fill a void or want a diversion from reality].  But life is not a movie, and marriage is not perfect.  He doesn’t apologize with a dozen roses every time we disagree.  The children don’t disappear or magically put themselves to bed (not to mention the fact that our home doesn’t have a nanny, butler, chef, or housekeeper) when we “need some time to talk.”  Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble of “life is great all the time once you are married and you always pull together and love each other and sex is always great and dates are always romantic and no one ever needs to forgive because a screen writer says so.”

So, a few weeks ago, my dearest darling said something that hurt me.  And I thought I was over it.  But guess what?  I wasn’t.  And this morning, during that fantastically inspirational time between waking and sleep, where (if one of the kiddos doesn’t come in demanding to make an Iron Man cake at 5:17 a.m., which is what happened yesterday) I find myself figuring out solutions to issues and resolving concerns and pondering on which topic to blog (you should really try using this time if you don’t already), I was thinking about how I was feeling a little less than connected to my dearest husband.  I was longing for that feeling again…and the thought came, “Forgive him.”  Seriously?  Could my issue with connection be that simple?  Could I just knock down my wall that I had spent the past few weeks painstakingly building, let it go, and move forward into the abyss of forgiveness and love?  I could.  But will I?  The choice is mine alone.

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Sometimes…

Sometimes I find myself mourning for the loss of one of my former selves…like I miss that girl in college, wet behind the ears, caring with an eagerness unknown to deliver what professors wanted (perfectly edited writing, organized statistics assignments, practiced music for piano and voice…what time is my jury?) along with what other students needed (support, acceptance, “When’s our Shakespeare paper due again?“).  Sometimes I miss her.

Other days, though, I find myself mourning that young mother, with three little ones.  You know the one I’m talking about…before the twins came?  That woman who woke with tired vigor after night nursing and read myriad picture books and rolled the enormous red ball with the toddlers,…the one who cradled that new little baby #3.  She was such a conscientious mother, seeking to still help others with so much on her plate already.

And still, I find myself wishing I could recapture that vigor of running home after school, slinging books on the table, grabbing whatever was left in the Cheez Doodle bag and then dashing out the door again to play football with friends down the street, the “younger” guy that I liked in 9th grade among them.  Where is she now?

Then sometimes I listen to Matchbox Twenty (they are on my playlist now), and I think about how far I’ve come…wondering if all the deaths of former selves are worth mourning over after all….  They have changed and created something more:  wisdom, experience, love.  I used to think I was most beautiful as a twenty-something bride, dressed in a long, white gown and my husband equally groomed in his tux (no pun intended), but that’s not who I am anymore, either.

I’m hoping this aging thing that’s happening to me looks a little more like beauty than society would think.

Well, I can smell the cake in the oven.  Must be about ready.  I’ll have to leave the mourning for another day.  The preschooler has been asking for an Iron Man cake since he woke me up at 5:17 this morning, so I’m off to mixing butter, powdered sugar, milk, vanilla, and food dye (& probably a little bit of shortening if I can rationalize it) into red and gold frosting.

Till next time,

The Me I Am Today 🙂

Image Copyright Sarah Knight Photography

Christopher Columbus…he sailed the ocean blue!

Well, following a teacher work-day Friday, the “normal” weekend (which, around here, is often anything but normal), and Columbus Day yesterday, I was a happy mommy to kiss my kiddos goodbye this morning for them to spend a day learning and bringing home bags full of papers, reading books, and various other homework items.  🙂  And, with the advent of Columbus Day, I am often reminded of a little poem (forgive me for not knowing the author) that we used to sing when I was in grade school:

Christopher Columbus…he sailed the ocean blue./He found a continent in 1492.

That little poem I learned way-back-when helped me numerous times when I was called upon to answer date questions in later history classes.  🙂  So, today I want to give a shout-out to all teachers…young and old, mine and yours…and everyone else’s (& especially today to my children’s current teachers).  All of you are amazing to devote your own education, time, efforts and energy to the teaching of our next generation.  Thank you for who you are and for all that you do!  You have touched my life, my family, our communities, and our nation.  Your impact will be felt for generations!  What you do each day is worth all the work, long hours, and frustrations.  You are making a difference.  In years to come, we may not remember your names or faces, but we will remember some little couplet or phrase, some tidbit of information or life lesson we learned while in your presence.  Under your tutelage, we became better individuals, more responsible citizens, and more equipped to face further educational and vocational opportunities.  Just as Christopher Columbus had people who supported and believed in his revolutionary ideas, you have supported and believed in us…sometimes when no one else did.  With your help, we enlarged our own minds and perspectives.  We may not be discovering continents, but we are engaging in various other efforts to bring continents and people together through diplomacy, friendship, and building a world of love and peace together.  Thank you, teachers, for believing in the impossible!  You have opened new continents of knowledge and enlightenment to us, empowering each of us to live better, more educated lives.  You are amazing!

What’s been on my mind…

Well, I was thinking maybe I should wait until Valentine’s Day or something…but since two nights ago, when I found one of these songs for cheap on iTunes, and I keep dancing to the small sound bite, I have been thinking of songs with the word “kiss” in the title.  Bizarre, maybe…but I am working on a list.  Here are a few for fun (watch Prince at your own risk…my tweenagers didn’t care for him)! I also make a playlist of “love songs” for my dearest husband on our anniversary each year…so if you have favorite “love songs” or even positive relationship songs, I’m all ears!

Image Copyright Sarah Knight Photography

Just a Kiss” – Lady Antebellum

Kiss from a Rose” – Seal

Kiss” – Prince

Kiss the Girl” – The Little Mermaid

Kiss Me” – Sixpence None the Richer

Kissing You” – Des’ree (from the R+J soundtrack)

Kiss Me Slowly” – Parachute

These are a few of my favorite things…

Since we are beginning in the middle of my story, and most likely in the middle of yours, I thought I would take a moment to share with you some of my favorite things…you know, the ones I think of (or sing about) “when the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad…” (which is usually the “feeling sad” moments, since I’ve never been bitten by a dog–knock on wood–or stung by a bee).

So, here goes (and, I own none of these images or rights to music, just FYI):

http://jamiecooksitup.net/ (and other baking blogs…but this one I go to most…I have not made anything from her site I didn’t like…and it’s family-friendly!)

The Piano Guys (Have you heard of them? Here is one of my fav arrangements by those fun and funky guys!)

Anything that makes me feel pretty, happy, or dance!

Ma famille,

Faith,

Platform pumps like these (available here)–even though I stand well over six feet in them…they are oh-so-fun!!!!! I think I may need a pink pair….

Bumper Skyla-01 Velvet Studded Open Toe Platform Pump

Learning to do new things (like I have learned to make jewelry, bake bread and really yummy cookies among other things, run, quilt, cook in various styles in the past few years),

(the Nestle Toll House recipe is my personal fav and go-to…it’s actually memorized…) 🙂

Candles that smell yummy, fruity, and give off gorgeous light!

Well, those are a few for now…!

My taste in music and food is pretty eclectic…please feel free to let me in on a few of your favorite things!

Till next time,

K.