The Truth About Happily Ever After

I would love to be profound for a moment…but I just don’t have it in me today.  Let me just share a few thoughts….

“Happily Ever After” doesn’t just happen. You make it happen. And, everyday you wake up and choose to stay in love, you choose to work out issues, you choose to forgive and forget, and you choose to stay with the person you committed to “Once Upon a Time.”


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Remember that?  How your story together began?  And, in the true nature of princesses and fairy tales, your goal was/is:

And-they-lived-happily-ever-after
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Right?  And everything between the ellipses was just witches and goblins and icky bad guys that you would conquer together, right?

Nope.

Sorry.

It’s not really that simple (and yet, in some ways, it is rather simple after all).

After a decade and a half in the same relationship, I have learned a few things that I would like to share with you now in a spirit of love and light and wanting to preserve and support relationships.

First of all, there are lots of moments and even days when I feel like this:

And sometimes I am so irritated, stressed out, exhausted, and who-knows-what-else that hearing a sweet love song like makes me want to spit.

Truly.

And I’m not good at spitting.

But, guess what?!?!?!?!?!

I stick around this relationship. Not because I want to feel crummy…but because I know that we are building something together. We are building a life, a family, our faith, and a future. You see, I don’t believe that relationships end at death.  I believe that we will be able to carry on our family and marriage relationships in the life after this if we will keep working through our issues and pulling together.

I know that media and maybe even the experiences of others might say that the grass could be greener in some other relationship. But, I made a commitment to this guy several years ago. More than that, I made a commitment (and covenant) with God years ago that I would stick with this guy. So, I’m not leaving. Even though hard things may come our way, I can do hard things. And I can do them even better when I have the help of heaven and this really cute guy I married.

So what if we are getting old? We are getting old together. So what if our hair is turning grey (me) or disappearing (him)? We make adjustments. So what if some mornings we irritate each other so much that we are happy to say goodbye? We usually make up during the day and are so anxious to be back in each other’s arms at the conclusion of the day.

Here’s my bottom line. Marriage is hard. It takes work. But it is sooooooo worth it.

On a more personal note, I used to hear lots of people say with regard to marriage that they loved their wife or husband more today than they did when they were married. For the first several years of our marriage, I didn’t understand those statements. I vacillated back and forth between super-in-love-happy to I-can’t-stand-you-right-now-and-I-need-to-go-run-before-I-say-something-else-hurtful-I-will-regret-later. I didn’t know if I would ever get past that point. But, eventually I did. And now I recognize that the need-to-go-running moments are less frequent and the in-love moments are more frequent (maybe that’s what those old married couples meant?)…and I’ve learned to weather and wait out the crazy times knowing that the bliss will return again at some point.

And I’m willing to wait for it and to work for it…’cause marriage is worth it.

And bliss is really sweet.

And I want to be with this guy for a lot longer than the rest of my life.

Choices

As I approach the dashboard of my blog to write this Monday morning, my heart is (honestly) a little heavy.  I know I can sit here and recount the conversations of the weekend and how we are all really no less safe than we were four days ago…but we may feel like we are.  I know I can ignore what I am feeling, as well, and get lost in some editing or fiction writing or a book or movie.  I also know that I can take my advice from Friday (which I posted before the news hit) and count my blessings.  I think I will choose the last.

(I would be dishonest to say that I didn’t hug my little ones a little tighter before they left my door this morning, though.)

I am so very blessed in my life.  Currently, I live in a more-than-ample house with a kitchen I adore using.  I have beautiful, insightful children who impart wisdom to me daily.  I have a handsome husband who loves me in spite of my multitude of flaws, shortcomings, and occasional sadness over situations I cannot control.  I was raised by good parents.  I have amazing friends and family members.  I can rock heels.  (And, last week, I even found brown boots…but that is another story!)

Somehow choosing to focus on the vast blessings before me helps my heart feel a little lighter.  I will try to choose happiness instead of feeding the negative feelings bouncing around my head of fear and uncertainty.  I will count a few more blessings along my path today…and among them will be you, my dear readers.  🙂

Thanks for listening…and reading.  I appreciate you more than you know.