I just flossed my teeth
And you bring me almonds
(Which I love…& I have been trying to eat more healthily, anyway)
Which, as I chew, fall into empty crevices of space where gums don’t quite reach around and hug the tooth the way they did when I was
I toss another handful into my mouth and relish the sweet, white flesh as I decide I will happily
As many of you may well know, I completed my goal to write 50,000 words of a novel in thirty days for NaNoWriMo last November. And, up until this week, I had edited about 20 pages of my (so far) 198 page manuscript. I have been devoting more time to working on it as of late…and I am continually reminded of what I learned last November 30.
I DON’T KNOW HOW TO END A NOVEL.
Thank goodness I have plenty of editing to do before I get to revisit that ending endeavor I performed toward the end of last year. As NaNoWriMo is a purely creative effort, I have found that minor characters have different names throughout the text as I reread it, and I’ve found some continuity issues with which I am dealing…and some character development…and so on…and so forth. 🙂 But, as I work on it, I am reminded of the energy I feel when I am writing as well as the happiness I feel when I am typing away at my screen, figuratively painting words onto a page…sillouhettes of lives and stories.
Also, I would like to say HUZZAH as I think I have made it through the enormous stress bubbles which have been clouding my vision and invading my ability to see clearly (and I am BEYOND THANKFUL). I want to give each of you a shout-out for all your support and help through these past couple months (which have been anything but easy for me). After some events and visitors this past weekend, I came home from errands Monday morning, cuddled with my preschooler on the couch, and we slept for a glorious two hours. Upon waking, my head was clear, my vision was focused, and my energy was tangible. As I have continued through this week, I am still feeling happy (mostly) and satisfied. My perspective has enlarged, and I am moving forward (after a quite stagnant several weeks). I am feeling relief! And I am writing! And…guess what? I am oh-so-happy!!!!
So, I didn’t get to watch any “chick flicks” during Valentine’s week…in fact, I’ve been on a movie-watching hiatus for the last several weeks (except what I end up viewing with my little people)…& so, after my workout this morning, I thought, “I’m going to watch Shall We Dance? before I have to take it back to the library this week.” Then, I remembered the scene when Richard Gere’s character says to his wife (as he’s confessing why he didn’t tell her about his dancing lessons) something about feeling guilty for being too happy.
Have you seen this film? Here is the love song played over a scene toward the end of it….
I have seen the movie several times, not just because I love the dancing (which I do), and not just because I love the love song in it (which I do), but because his words during that scene are meaningful to me.
I have been blessed repeatedly in my life…not that my life has been “perfect” (is anyone’s?)…I’ve had my share of troubles and adversities…but my joys have been sweet and my blessings have been many…and sometimes, I do feel a little guilty for wanting to be a little happier…to change something in my life for the better.
Am I alone?
When I think of all that I’ve been able to accomplish in my (relatively) short life, I wonder if I should be able to want anything more…if wanting more is right…if wanting more is good….
I’m not talking about things, mind you; I’m talking about accomplishing goals–like publishing a novel or taking a certain trip with certain loved ones or raising my children to be well-adjusted, happy, responsible citizens. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve any more happiness…like I’ve had my allotted share and I don’t deserve any more. Maybe I need to take some dancing lessons…?
One of my writing habits (I would say “quirks,” but I imagine that I am not alone in this practice) is having something to grab and snack on while I write. I know I need my blood sugar up in order to function…so I am typically snacking on something sugary but will occasionally go healthy with something like fruit or salty with chips/pretzels/crackers, etc.
Well, a few weeks ago, my preschooler approached me, seeking the Skittles that sometimes (often) sit beside me while I am writing. I only buy the bulk-sized bags. Like super-big. The largest ones I can find. And, I do share.
So, I had my big bag here beside me…and I pulled out a handful every now and then to put on the counter, then grabbed one or two at a time and popped them into my mouth. Well, my preschooler came up beside me, grabbed a purple (which he knows is my favorite color) with his pincer grasp, and turned to me with the words, “Open your mouth.”
He rarely tries to feed me, so his words and actions brought a smile to my face…which made my day a little bit lighter. He popped it into my mouth, and I chewed it while retaining my smile. 🙂
I’m amazed at the intuitive nature of the beings around us and of the way they can bring happiness to us if we will but allow that feeling to flow into our hearts.
Well, I’m signing off for the weekend and hope that you…and I…will have a lovely (lighter) feeling…and days full of peace and hope for the future.
As I approach the dashboard of my blog to write this Monday morning, my heart is (honestly) a little heavy. I know I can sit here and recount the conversations of the weekend and how we are all really no less safe than we were four days ago…but we may feel like we are. I know I can ignore what I am feeling, as well, and get lost in some editing or fiction writing or a book or movie. I also know that I can take my advice from Friday (which I posted before the news hit) and count my blessings. I think I will choose the last.
(I would be dishonest to say that I didn’t hug my little ones a little tighter before they left my door this morning, though.)
I am so very blessed in my life. Currently, I live in a more-than-ample house with a kitchen I adore using. I have beautiful, insightful children who impart wisdom to me daily. I have a handsome husband who loves me in spite of my multitude of flaws, shortcomings, and occasional sadness over situations I cannot control. I was raised by good parents. I have amazing friends and family members. I can rock heels. (And, last week, I even found brown boots…but that is another story!)
Somehow choosing to focus on the vast blessings before me helps my heart feel a little lighter. I will try to choose happiness instead of feeding the negative feelings bouncing around my head of fear and uncertainty. I will count a few more blessings along my path today…and among them will be you, my dear readers. 🙂
Thanks for listening…and reading. I appreciate you more than you know.
Okay, so before I get back to posting some fiction that is bouncing around my brain (literally–sometimes it hurts until I get it out and down through my little fingers which type the images through words onto a screen)…I just want to take a moment to encourage each of us to look around whatever setting in which we find ourselves.
What do we see?
I see a screen (which is a blessing itself as it allows me to communicate with the world from my tiny little desk). I see windows and sunlight streaming in through them, which produces Vitamin D and boosts endorphin levels. I see a photo of a child that once grew inside me which brings back fond memories. I see Kleenex for when my nose runs. I see Germ-X, which I can use to clean my hands after I use the Kleenex. I see artwork of children I love, a table where people sit to eat together and exchange ideas through conversation. I see a kitchen filled with memories of making sweets, breads, and dinners, and images of my family around the counter making plates of goodies to take to friends and neighbors.
What do you see?
Look a little deeper.
The blessings are all around us, if only we stop, look, and listen.
Hope you have a glorious weekend, my dear blog friends! I’ll catch up with you on Monday!
(photo copyright Sarah Knight Photography)
That is the question. 🙂
Well, this morning, after various posts by friends (and honestly, today I’ve needed a little bit more happiness to get me out of the present funk I’m in), I decided to spend some time trying to make sense of Spotify. And, guess what?!?!?!? I think I’m getting it…!
Plus, you can somehow plug in music to your blog, which brings me to my current blog experiment (which is, namely, trying to paste a song into my blog)…let’s see if this works:
Well, that was a little less exciting than I thought. Maybe I’ll enjoy listening to it anyway.
(P.S.–I’ve started a short story fiction piece to post later next week…stay tuned!)
***UPDATE LATER***I figured out how to add a playlist (or you could add just a song) from Spotify to my blog on the sidebar. (See it?) If you are a WP blogger, the info is in the comments. :)***