So, this song has been running through my head this morning…along with a few thoughts I would like to share.
I feel like our family has moved often recently. Having said that, moving has its pros and cons, as before this recent trend of moving in my life I had been in the same setting for a number of years. I enjoyed the comforts of long-time friendships and the familiarity of the setting. The place felt like home. I felt like I had a long-term identity among those who loved me (or didn’t like me, or felt indifferent about me, etc.).
Well, upon one of these recent moves, I was feeling a loss of that identity…and with all the feelings that accompany that loss, I wasn’t myself. I found someone in this new area with whom I felt I could identify…and this person became somewhat of a template for building my new identity.
Only it wasn’t my identity at all.
In a flash of inspiration, one of my sisters one day on the telephone boldly declared to me: “You don’t need to be [insert name here]. That place already has a [insert name again]. You need to be YOU.”
Her words were cause for evaluation and thankfully revolution to find myself once more. And, guess what? I’ve found I am happier being me. Go figure. 🙂
So, jam to a little Selena Gomez while you think about who you are and that no one can dictate who you are or how you feel but YOU. In the immortal words of the German band Snap, “[You’ve] got the power!”
So, I read this morning about the break-up of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez…and his comments which basically said that he had no idea what was going on in his life. Now, I generally find much better things to do with my time than to follow the ins and outs of celebrity relationships (which, quite frankly, I think should be minimized in the media if publicized at all), but I am often puzzled by what makes relationships work and not; I am also fascinated at how a relationship between two people can have such far-reaching effects–even through generations–and how the day-to-day choices that pull a couple together or pull them farther apart are really just that, choices.
I know within my own marriage relationship, I make a choice each day whether I’m in it with all my heart. Some days, when I do put all my heart into loving and helping my husband and our children, I feel like the pay-off of growth and happiness and joy within our home is so worth the work, effort, and sacrifice. Other days–those self-absorbed, me-minded days–you know the ones I’m talking about–I find the discord in our home to be a broad sea that I’m floating in, having left my oar ashore. I know I need to do something to get back to that sea of tranquility that brings me those peaceful, happy moments–but what?!?!?!?!
Actually, many answers occur to me–forgiveness (being at the forefront), trying to find something my husband did for which I am grateful, or remembering why I fell in love with him (or why I married him, etc.) helps. I have also found that when I put his needs above my own, and when he does the same for me, that we are able to connect in ways that we don’t otherwise. He helps me; I help him. Sounds simple enough, right? But in the quest for “finding ourselves,” sometimes we lose this ever-important piece of our life’s puzzle.
So, not just in marriage or motherhood or fatherhood or dating–but in all relationships, if we as individuals would work to put a little more love in our hearts and worry more about others than we worry about ourselves, the world could be a much better place.